大干世界，多姿多彩；
人间生活，关爱灿烂。在我们的生活中，有这样一个真实的故事。（文笔简洁，点扣题眼。）
The world is full of diversity; human life is full of care. In our life, there is such a true story. (the writing is simple and the point is close to the topic.)
一个严冬的早晨。在一个偏僻的小巷里，却有许多人围在一起看着什么，忽然一个中年男子挤进了人群，("挤"写出人多，同时也突出"他"想看个究竟的急切心情。)他发现冰冷的地上竟蜷着一个哇哇直叫的女婴。这是一个被抛弃的孩子，他顾不得一些人的议论，毅然决然地把女婴拖了回家。("蜷"字用得准确形象。"顾不得"写出心情急切，"毅然决然"描绘出态度果断之势。)
A cold winter morning. In a remote alley, there are many people around looking at something. Suddenly, a middle-aged man crowded into the crowd. ）He fo()und a screaming baby girl curled up on the cold ground. This is a abandoned child. He ignored some people"s comments and resolutely dragged the baby girl home. (& quot; curl up & quot; words are used accurately. &Quote; can"t help but write about being in a hurry, and describe a decisive attitude. )
这位中年男子便是本地的一位菜农。他家的经济并不富裕，一家人靠卖菜为生。他的妻子见丈夫抱着婴儿回来时，先是吃了一惊，当她听完丈夫的叙说后，便同意收养这可怜的孩子。夫妻俩商量了一下，给孩子取名为"龙女"。从此，龙女幸福地与父母生活在一起。可好景不长，好的名字并没给她带来幸福的命运，就在龙女11岁那年，一次她在放学的路上突然昏倒。龙女的父母得知后，迅速将其送进了医院。(插叙身份、家境，为下文替龙女治病蓄势。"吃了一惊"既写情态，又写心理。叙述故事，反映生活中的"亮点"--收养弃婴。)
The middle-aged man is a local vegetable farmer. His family is not rich in economy. They live by selling vegetables. When his wife saw her husband come back with the baby, she was shocked. When she heard what he said, she agreed to adopt the poor child. The couple discussed and named the child & quot; Longnv & quot;. From then on, Longnv lived happily with her parents. But it didn"t last long. A good name didn"t bring her a happy fate. When Longnv was 11 years old, she suddenly fainted on the way to school. When Longnu"s parents learned about it, they rushed her to the hospital. (narrate the identity and family background to prepare for the treatment of Longnv. &Quot; was surprised & quot; wrote both modality and psychology. Narrate the story and reflect the highlights of life - adopt the abandoned baby. )
医院办公室里传来了医生和龙女父亲的谈话：
In the hospital office came a conversation between the doctor and Long Nv"s father:
"你的女儿患的是肾功能衰竭症，两个肾的功能不久将会完全丧失，随时都有生命危险，要想治好这种病，只有换肾。"
&Your daughter is suffering from renal failure. The function of both kidneys will be completely lost soon. She is in danger of life at any time. If she wants to cure this disease, she has to change her kidney. "
"换肾!?"龙女的父亲惊疑地问，猛然间又急切地说，"换，一定换，我就是要饭也一定给她换上!"(从"惊疑"到"急切"写出神情的变化，两个"一定"可见态度坚决。)
&Long Nv"s father asked suspiciously, suddenly and eagerly, he said, "change, change, I will change for her even if I want to eat! & quot; (from & quot; suspicions & quot; to & quot; eagerness & quot; to write the change of expression, two & quot; must & quot; can be seen with resolute attitude.". )
"可医疗费是很昂贵的，大约需要20万元左右。再说这合体的肾又从哪里去找呢?"医生同情而又为难地说。(人物语言符合人物身份，很有个性。这几段对话形式变化多样。)
&But the medical expenses are very expensive, about 200000 yuan. And where can we find the kidney of this combination. (the character language is in line with the character"s identity and has personality. The forms of these dialogues vary. )
龙女的父亲急呆了，他没说话，只是沉默，只是流泪。（情态描写得体。两个"只是"写出了急切，写出了无奈。此处无声胜有声。）
Long Nv"s father was in a hurry. He didn"t speak, but was silent, just crying. (the description of modality is appropriate. Two & quot; s just & quot; s are eager and helpless. Silence is better than sound.)
这件事很快传开了，人们都主动地捐款，来救助龙女。（过渡自然，情节陡转。一方有难，八方支援。）
The story spread quickly, and people offered to donate money to help Longnv. (the transition is natural and the plot changes abruptly. If one side is in trouble, support from all sides.)
全市各级领导一边组织了"献爱心"的捐款活动，一边在媒体上寻找合适的献肾者。这时，山东一位干部来电说，要献出一个肾。人们忧愁的脸上绽开了一丝笑容。（龙女患病，众人相助，侧面描写社会各界捐助活动，这真是文明之花处处开，生活亮点时时有。）
At the same time, leaders at all levels of the city organized a donation activity of & quot; giving love & quot; and at the same time, they searched for the right kidney donors in the media. At this time, a cadre in Shandong called and said that he would donate a kidney. There was a smile on people"s sad faces. (the dragon lady is ill and everyone helps her. She describes the donation activities from all walks of life. It"s really a flower of civilization that blooms everywhere and highlights life from time to time.)
换肾手术成功后，在医务人员悉心护理下，龙女康复很快。（略写换肾手术，目的在于突出"关爱"主题，剪裁得体，详略得当）。龙女知道这一切时，觉得这仿佛是一场梦，一场让她无法置信的梦。可无论如何，在龙女的眼里，她已有了成于上万的父母--那些曾经救助过她的好心人，是他们给了她新的生命。（写龙女所感，有助于主题的升华。）
After the success of the kidney replacement operation, under the careful care of the medical staff, Longnv recovered quickly. (the purpose of sketching out kidney replacement surgery is to highlight the theme of & quot; Care & quot;. It"s cut appropriately and detailed appropriately.). When Longnv knew all this, she thought it was like a dream, a dream she couldn"t believe. In any case, in Longnu"s eyes, she has become tens of thousands of parents - those who have helped her, they gave her a new life. (writing about the feelings of the dragon lady helps to sublimate the theme.)
亲爱的朋友，你听说了这段感人的故事后，难道你不认为这是生活中用爱交织成的亮点吗?在生活中也正是这些亮点，奏响了精神文明和物质文明的伟大乐章。我想，只要人人都献出一点爱，生活中的亮点一定永放光芒，发扬光大。（抒情议论，点明题旨，深化主题。）
Dear friends, after hearing this touching story, don"t you think it"s the bright spot interwoven with love in life? It"s also the bright spot in life, playing the great music of spiritual civilization and material civilization. I think that as long as everyone gives a little love, the highlights of life will always shine and carry forward. (Lyric discussion, point out the theme and deepen the theme.)
